Giving birth to twins wreaked havoc on Beyonce’s health, but she’s stronger than ever. Bey weighed 218 pounds, suffered from toxemia, and had to get an emergency c-section. She’s opening up about it for the first time.

Beyonce revealed in the new issue of Vogue in a poignant essay that giving birth to twins Rumi and Sir Carter in 2017 was traumatic. Her and her babies’ lives were on the line during labor, and she was forced to make a tough decision — having an emergency c-section. She didn’t shy away from the details in her essay, letting fans know exactly why having the c-section was necessary, and how having a c-section affects a mother’s health and body after giving birth.

“I was 218 pounds the day I gave birth to Rumi and Sir. I was swollen from toxemia (blood poisoning, also called preeclampsia) and had been on bed rest for over a month. My health and my babies’ health were in danger, so I had an emergency C-section,” Beyonce wrote in her piece for Vogue. “We spent many weeks in the NICU. Today I have a connection to any parent who has been through such an experience. After the C-section, my core felt different. It had been major surgery. Some of your organs are shifted temporarily, and in rare cases, removed temporarily during delivery. I am not sure everyone understands that. I needed time to heal, to recover.”

It sounds like Bey went through hell and back during her pregnancy, but came out the other side stronger than ever. She has two healthy babies, and life is good. Beyonce also wrote about the struggles of dealing with a post-baby body, especially after having twins. Like she said, she weighed 218 pounds at the end of her pregnancy, a significant amount more than her normal weight, understandably. While she pushed herself to lose weight immediately after giving birth to daughter Blue Ivy, she mellowed after the twins.

“During my recovery [after the c-section], I gave myself self-love and self-care, and I embraced being curvier,” Beyonce wrote. “I accepted what my body wanted to be. After six months, I started preparing for Coachella. I became vegan temporarily, gave up coffee, alcohol, and all fruit drinks. But I was patient with myself and enjoyed my fuller curves. My kids and husband did, too …To this day my arms, shoulders, breasts, and thighs are fuller. I have a little mommy pouch, and I’m in no rush to get rid of it. I think it’s real. Whenever I’m ready to get a six-pack, I will go into beast zone and work my ass off until I have it. But right now, my little FUPA and I feel like we are meant to be.” Amen!

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