‘I hate my body and I don’t like what is going on!’ Pregnant EastEnders star Louisa Lytton reveals tears over pressure to ‘feel happy every day and not have any negative thoughts’

• She is due to give birth to her first baby with fiancé Ben Bhanvra in September 
• Louisa, 32, admitted: ‘I am so happy that I am pregnant but I am so unhappy in many other ways’
• She confessed: ‘It definitely brought up weight-related and food things that I didn’t realise I was obsessing over’ 
• The actress explained how it was only when she felt the baby move inside her that everything about her pregnancy started to make sense  

She’s due to give birth to her first baby with fiancé Ben Bhanvra in September.  

And now, Louisa Lytton, 32, has gotten candid about the pressure to ‘feel happy every day and not have negative thoughts’ about being pregnant.

The EastEnders actress admitted that there have been times throughout her pregnancy where she’s cried to her fiancé, telling him: ‘I hate my body and I don’t like what is going on!’ 

Real talk: Louisa Lytton, 32, has gotten candid about the pressure to ‘feel happy every day and not have negative thoughts’ about being pregnant 

And, speaking to the Made By Mammas podcast, Louisa explained: ‘You are pregnant so everyone around you feels like this is the best news possible.

‘This is what you wanted so you should feel happy every day and not have any negative thoughts. And in my head I thought this doesn’t sit right.

‘I am so happy that I am pregnant but I am so unhappy in many other ways. At first I had sickness but my body was changing and I wasn’t in control of the fact that I had no energy. Normally I am a really energetic person.

‘I was craving really terrible foods and I don’t really eat like that. You are almost afraid to speak to anyone around it. 

Emotional: The actress admitted she’s cried to her fiancé, telling him: ‘I hate my body and I don’t like what is going on!’ (Pictured on EastEnders in March)

The truth: ‘I am so happy that I am pregnant but I am so unhappy in many other ways’ admitted the soap star (Pictured in April)

‘My mum was like: “You are pregnant of course you are going to put on weight.” And to my friends who hadn’t been through it, I felt terrible to be negative around the fact that I was pregnant when some people are trying.

‘It becomes quite isolating and quite lonely in a way. I had days when I was at home crying to Ben like: “I hate my body and I don’t like what is going on.”

‘It is almost like your brain doesn’t connect to what is happening yet, if that makes sense?’ 

Louisa explained how she tried to turn to her fiancé to help her through what she was feeling about the change in her body, before relying on friends for support.

She said: ‘I talked to Ben for a while but I knew he just couldn’t understand it. Before I was even pregnant throughout the first lockdown we were eating so healthily I was exercising every day. 

‘Looking back I was tiny, if I am honest. Even then I’d say: “Look at my bum, look at my cellulite.” To him it was just me doing my usual: “I don’t like myself.”

Lonely: ‘I felt terrible to be negative around the fact that I was pregnant when some people are trying. ‘It becomes quite isolating and quite lonely in a way’ explained Louisa

Fitness lover: ‘Before I was even pregnant throughout the first lockdown we were eating so healthily I was exercising every day’ explained the actress (Pictured in August 2020)

‘I ended up speaking to a few of my friends and they’ve all been amazing but it is so hard to even explain to people how you feel. I couldn’t work it out for myself.’

Louisa explained how it was only when she felt the baby move inside her that everything about her pregnancy started to make sense.

She said: ‘You could have shown me a scan every day it was like I was watching the TV. It was like that wasn’t what was happening inside me.

‘The moment I started feeling movements it was like “okay”. The moment I started feeling movements I really understood what was happening in my own body. 

‘The only way now I am towards the end.. I am fine now. I don’t care that I have put weight on. Yes I can’t walk up the stairs, but who cares?

‘Because it is like my brain accepted what was happening, whereas before you could have told me but something in my head wasn’t connecting to what was going on. It was the only way I can describe it.’ 

Body image issues: ‘Looking back I was tiny, if I am honest. Even then I’d say: “Look at my bum, look at my cellulite.” To him it was just me doing my usual: “I don’t like myself” she revealed (Pictured in August 2020)

Delving further into the changes she’s experienced during her pregnancy, Louise admitted: ‘My boobs haven’t really grown. I have never had any boobs.

‘When I was younger I wanted a boob job – I never had one. It was always, “at least when I am pregnant I can have boobs”. Every day I ask Ben: “Have they grown? Are they growing?” They haven’t really. Oh well!

‘I remember crying to my mum one day going: “I have got so many issues I never realised I had.” It brought them to the surface.

‘In a way, it has been quite a nice healing process. It definitely brought up weight-related and food things – I don’t mean other issues – that I didn’t realise I was obsessing over.   

Mum-to-be: Louisa explained how it was only when she felt the baby move inside her that everything about her pregnancy started making sense

The soap star, who is now at 34 weeks, said of her pregnancy journey: ‘I am through the first hurdle which was the sickness phase which lasted about three months which I think is quite normal for people isn’t it.

‘I have been quite lucky. I’ve had no complications. Nothing’s really been a problem. But.. it is really, really tough. 

‘Now I am just at that final stretch of: “I am nearly there. Come on baby!” I am willing it to come early. My partner keeps saying can we stop with this: “it is going to be here in the next week'”? 

Discussing how she’s feeling about giving birth, Louisa admitted that until she went on maternity leave she had been too busy to think about it, but is now ‘freaking out.’ 

Realisation: ‘I remember crying to my mum one day going “I have got so many issues I never realised I had.” It brought them to the surface’ said Louisa (Pictured with her mum)

She said: ‘I have not really thought about what is happening to me. ‘All of a sudden I am not working and I have got all this time on my hands. And I am driving myself mental about the labour. 

‘The moment I got pregnant I was like: ‘I can do this I was made to do this.’ We have done a hypnobirthing course. I was really relaxed pretty much throughout.

‘Now I am going backwards again. I think it is because I know it is coming and it is coming soon. At the moment the baby is back to back and I am worried about that

‘It is quite big. It is on the chart quite big so I am worried about that. That is why I just need it to happen soon. So I can stop freaking myself out about that stuff.’ 

Actress: The pregnant EastEnders star plays Ruby Allen in the BBC One soap, but said she can’t imagine wanting to hurry back to Albert Square when her little one arrives (Pictured in 2018)

Louisa and Ben told how they discovered they were expecting on Christmas Day, and revealed the happy news to their families on New Years Eve.

The couple have decided not to find out the sex of their baby, because she’s hoping it will give her more incentive to power through the labour.

The actress also revealed that she told her EastEnders bosses about her pregnancy when she was at the 9-week mark, because she was gearing up to portray a series of miscarriages. 

Praising EastEnders for their ‘amazing’ support throughout, Louisa admitted that the experience ‘was really strange’.

She mused: ‘Maybe that was partly to do with why I wasn’t accepting what was going on in my own body because you go to work every day and you are playing the exact opposite of what is happening to you. It was really strange.

Honest: The actress also revealed that she told her EastEnders bosses about her pregnancy when at the 9-week mark, because she was gearing up to portray a series of miscarriages

‘I was trying to protect myself and until I had a midwife appointment and I just cried on the bed. I said “I don’t really know I just had a tough day at work”. She said: “I can’t believe that is what you are doing.”

‘At the same time there was this thing in my head of: “I am the lucky one. I am having a healthy pregnancy and playing out what is the reality to loads of women”.’

Louisa has also admitted that she doesn’t think she’ll be ‘in a rush to go back to work’ once her first child is born, as she revealed her plans to stay at home ‘for a year.’

The pregnant EastEnders star plays Ruby Allen in the BBC One soap, but can’t imagine wanting to hurry back to Albert Square when her little one arrives.

She said: ‘I’m at home being a mum. I’m doing the thing I’ve wanted the most in life, so I don’t think I’ll be in a rush to go back to work.’

However, the actress admitted that could still return before her planned year hiatus, adding: ‘But then, at the same time, I don’t know – because that is who I am. So will I have that moment of, ‘I need a bit more of myself back again’?

‘I’m gonna stay home, give it a year, I think, of me not working. But if I decide to go back before or after, we’ll work it out from there.’

Louisa revealed earlier his month that she struggled both mentally and physically during the early stages of pregnancy.  

The actress told The Mirror: ‘The first 12 weeks were tricky. It was a whirlwind of worry, panic and sickness. I was sick in the morning and nauseous all day. The only thing that would stop me feeling sick was eating!’ 

Nursery pending: Louisa gave a glimpse of her baby bump on Instagram over the weekend, as her fiancé Ben painted the nursery

The soap star also spoke out about her decision to cancel her wedding to fiancé Ben, citing the pandemic and her pregnancy as a factor. 

She said: ‘We’ve cancelled the wedding altogether now. We’ve decided to scrap the whole thing and start again with our plans. We’re going to have the baby and focus on that and then get married once we’re ready.’ 

She explained: ‘We’d already postponed it twice by then and I didn’t want to put off having children any longer.     

‘I’ve always wanted to get married first before having children for tradition, but sometimes things are taken out of your hands.’

Speaking to OK! Magazine in May, Louisa told how the pair had already been forced to cancel the ceremony twice thanks to the pandemic so now they are waiting until they are ‘ready.’ 

Earlier this month, Louisa thanked her mum Jane after she organised her a ‘special’ baby shower, writing on Instagram: ‘My mum, she created the most special day, thank you for all that you do for me, but especially this. I am so proud of you (sic)’

As well as being treated to a giant cake and several balloons, Louisa’s childhood pals serenaded her in what was an emotional moment.

She wrote on her Instagram Stories: ‘I’ll never forget this. My childhood best friends singing for me and my baby. Hearing them sing together makes me prouder than they will ever know (sic).’ 

Happy couple: Louisa recently decided to cancel her wedding to fiancé Ben, citing the pandemic and her pregnancy as a factor. The pair revealed in March that they were expecting 

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