Made In Chelsea: ‘We’re not landing somewhere on easyJet!’ Cracks begin to form between Sophie Hermann and Tom Zanetti as he arrives in Suffolk to stoke the fires of their passion

It’s clearly time to wrap up a Made In Chelsea lockdown getaway when these three things happen in an episode:

1. Tom Zanetti’s latest single – titled Didn’t Know (in case you want to Spotify it, which you really don’t!) is used as the soundtrack to the opening scene.

2. This apparent deep friendship between Miles and Inga is still a thing.

Oh no: Cracks begin to form between Sophie Hermann and Tom Zanetti in Monday’s episode of Made In Chelsea

3. Maeva is upset because James wants skateboard lessons.

Back to Tom Zanetti. He’s speeding through the countryside with Sophie in his sights, having driven four hours from Leeds.

He’s listening to his own song. Here are some lines from it:

1. ‘Eye-contact and I can’t stop, won’t stop! She want it hard and I won’t flop! Kiss her in the car and we had it in a phone-box (ah, hello!)’  

Look of (doomed) love: Back to Tom Zanetti. He’s speeding through the countryside with Sophie in his sights, having driven four hours from Leeds

2. ‘So fly, like a pelican!’  

3. ‘She from South and I come from Leeds (up North). I’m gonna date her in Manny like Meekz!’

It’s thoughtful that he clarifies that Leeds is ‘up North’ but it would be more helpful to know what ‘Manny like Meekz’ means please.

Elsewhere, James is being compared to Clare Balding when Inga starts talking about her penchant for skateboarding. James then brags about how he’s really good at it too, but for some reason still requires lessons. Inga says she’ll help him steer her long-board.

Maeva is informed of this and is absolutely fuming. She has literally zero reason to be but nothing spices things up like superfluous fit of rage about a futile encounter. Plus, things are getting a bit dry at the Wilderness Reserve.

Steamy: Tom blindfolds Sophie and leads her out to surprise her with a hot tub. No, not to push her into it, but to drink champagne in it

Cheers to us? He acts as if he’s had it installed himself, as if it hasn’t been there the whole time as Sophie enjoys some champagne

So dry in fact that producers have wheeled out Miles’ dad Jacques again for a Skype call.

Miles is talking about Ruby. If you’ll recall, last week he told her to ‘hurry up and dump Reza’. 

‘You fancy her a bit!’ his father observes. Well done, Jacques! Thank goodness your French WiFi wasn’t down.

Sophie and Tom are conversing in her room. ‘Apart from me, what else do you want to do here?’ she says, a twinkle in her eye.

Mix another song? Let’s hope not!

Wow: ‘You’re going to love Leeds!’ he tells her. No she’s not. ‘Do I need security?’ she asks. Yes she will

Julius points out that Reza has word ‘Trust’ tattooed on his wrist. He uses it as a way of pointing out Ruby should be able to ‘Trust’ him but the real catastrophe here is that someone would get a word like that permanently inked on themselves.

Why not something a bit more original? ‘Procrastination is the thief of time…’ perhaps?

Tom blindfolds Sophie and leads her out to surprise her with a hot tub. No, not to push her into it, but to drink champagne in it. He acts as if he’s had it installed himself, as if it hasn’t been there the whole time.

‘You’re going to love Leeds!’ he tells her. No she’s not.

‘Do I need security?’ she asks. Yes she will.

Sophie Hermann in Leeds has Kim Kardashian in Paris vibes about it, let’s be honest. 

Support: Tom Zanetti gives Ollie and Gareth his blessing to be fathers. If you’re going to seek anyone’s blessing as you take your first steps along the path of paternity, it’s clearly going to be the man who writes lyrics such as ‘I’ll take her mine so I can clap them cheeks’

Maeva is just so furious about James and Inga’s skateboard lesson. Her fury is so unnecessary one would be forgiven for presuming she’s been told she’ll win a prize if she gets worked up over it for no reason. 

She deserves one to be honest. ‘Oh she’s so hippy, she was in Bali, she’s so bo-ho!’ she screeches, before threatening to skateboard on James’ head.

While everyone’s eating what looks like spit-roasted boar outside, Miles is pondering life indoors on his own (for attention).

Inga – who needs to skateboard her way outta Miles’ life if she knows what’s right for her – emerges from what seems like the wallpaper. She’s still upset that Miles asked her to go home the other week, as if he were Queen of the house.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever had what we had with any other guy!’ she says.

Biggest mistake of his life: Tom then applauds the dads-to-be. If you’re careful you can see that this is the precise moment Sophie gets the ick. It’s in her eyes, clear as day. ‘We’re not landing somewhere on easyJet,’ she recoils

Sorry but what even did they EVER have? They chatted on Instagram over lockdown and shagged with Miles’ Waterfalls Of The Sinharaja playlist in the background. 

Meava is thinking about sabotaging the skateboarding date but allows it to go ahead. It is the most un-sexless encounter ever to take place on Made In Chelsea. A scene between Mark Francis and cast member of yesteryear Andy Jordan would be more erotic. Yet later Maeva tells James: ‘Inga has been inappropriate with you!’

This coming from a girl who spat on Sophie Hermann’s mink.

Now that Ruby and Reza have strung along their inevitable break-up to its utmost capacity, they finally sit down and call time on their decades-long relationship.

Ruby blames it on the fact that she can’t trust that Reza won’t be ‘messaging Tom Dick and Harry’, which, to be fair, throws up a whole new set of problems.

He comes back with the most appropriate response to this: ‘I want to marry you!’

Goodbye: Now that Ruby and Reza have strung along their inevitable break-up to its utmost capacity, they finally sit down and call time on their decades-long relationship

She says no and dumps him and he breaks the fourth wall and says ‘you’re dumping me on camera – is that what it’s come to?’ It’s unclear how else he expected to be dumped given he is on Made In Chelsea. Although when Tristan and Liv break up they manage to do it off-screen, and they’ve split at least 37 times since being together.

The next day, there is some sort of turtle-neck lake-side event happening to mark the end of the trip.

Julius is ‘over the moon for Ruby’ now that she’s free. It’s not really clear why he’s so invested in this, but each to their own.

Tom Zanetti gives Ollie and Gareth his blessing to be fathers. If you’re going to seek anyone’s blessing as you take your first steps along the path of paternity, it’s clearly going to be the man who writes lyrics such as ‘I’ll take her mine so I can clap them cheeks’.

Tom then applauds the dads-to-be. If you’re careful you can see that this is the precise moment Sophie gets the ick. It’s in her eyes, clear as day. ‘We’re not landing somewhere on easyJet,’ she recoils.

Could the cracks be starting to show between the Duchess and the DJ? (Yes!) 

Made In Chelsea’s current season concludes next Monday at 9PM on E4.            

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