Danny Dyer has revealed he wants 6’7” Peter Crouch and 4’5” Jimmy Krankie as the pallbearers at his fantasy funeral – so he’s ready to slide into the grave.
The mismatched pair would ideally work alongside 6’1” EastEnders star Tom ‘Lofty’ Watt and 5ft comedian Ronnie Corbett
They would carry his coffin to the sound of the theme tune from classic sitcom Steptoe and Son.
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The ex-Eastenders actor described his bonkers plans to comedian Kathy Burke, 59, on her podcast Where There's A Will, There's A Wake.
He said: "How are they going to get up them stairs? It would be like a Laurel and Hardy sketch.
"I just think it would be f***ing hilarious trying to watch them get it in."
Danny, 45, acknowledged he would have to choose a new fourth pallbearer after Ronnie died aged 85 in 2016.
But he refused to let that spoil his plans for a "proper" East End memorial.
He added: "I want an East End funeral, like the Krays.
"I want a horse and cart, I want loads of people from coming out and lining the street.
"The key is that they’re all eating jellied eels. I want the streets paved with f***ing eel spines."
Danny, from Custom House, East London, said he planned to be buried totally naked aside from a pair of pink cowboy boots.
His final resting place would be alongside his nan and grandad in West Ham Cemetery.
The Human Traffic star will next grace our screens as Freddie Jones in new Disney+ series Rivals.
He was spotted filming scenes from the show – adapted from a 1988 Jilly Cooper novel – in Bristol on Thursday.
He was seen wearing a dark brown wig as he drove down the street in a Sinclair C5 electric tricycle.
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