'The Old Guard' Honest Trailer: This Is Just Poor Immortal Time Management

Netflix is back with another forgettable action movie starring A-list talent whose soul purpose seem to be to burn through money in what might be the biggest money laundering scheme of all time. Either that, or Netflix is just throwing anything and everything at the wall and seeing what sticks.

The Old Guard takes Charlie Theron and puts her in charge of a team of immortal warriors who have been trying to make the world a better place for centuries. The only problem, as The Old Guard Honest Trailer astutely observes, is that they’re really bad at it. Like, to the point that Charlize Theron’s character may be better at detecting the subtle flavors of food than realizing someone has the drop on her. How can they be this bad at fighting after thousands of years?

The Old Guard Honest Trailer

The best thing about The Old Guard is that the entire production crew was made up of around 85% women. They certainly churned out as much badass action as they could, even if they had to do it with some of the most boring setpieces imaginable, all taking place just outside the locations we’d rather be seeing instead of nondescript houses, labs, offices, churches, and whatever else the location scouts could find that easily fit in any country around the world.

But at least this is just the set up for a promising sequel that might finally dig into how badass these immortal warriors can be. At least that’s what we’re hoping now that they’ve already gotten their asses kicked a bunch.

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