NADIA Sawalha has revealed she is convinced her four miscarriages were a punishment for her decision to have an abortion when she was younger.
The Loose Women star, 53, opened up in a new podcast, titled 'Dealing With the Heartbreak of Miscarriage' with her husband TV producer Mark Adderley as part of their 'How To stay Married' series.
Breaking down in tears, Nadia said: "I had had a termination years before.
"And I think, you know, all that guilt came up.
"And I was thinking: 'Is this a punishment?'"
"With each subsequent miscarriage, I felt like that. I felt it was a punishment.
"I immediately felt panic-stricken. What if I'm barren now and I can't have a baby?"
Elsewhere in the podcast she explained: "From the second you know you're pregnant you start making plans.
"It doesn't really matter if you've known for a day or eight weeks, it doesn't really make any difference.
"You can see their face, you can see their smile, start planning where they will go to school.
The former EastEnders actress had the termination before she met Mark.
The couple, who married in 2002, suffered their first miscarriage early on in their relationship.
They now have daughters Maddie, 15, and Kiki-Bee, 9.
Nadia continued: "We then had our darling Maddie. She was so precious – born on Christmas Day – a survivor of torture after a traumatic birth."
She also revealed that after her third miscarriage she kept the foetus in the freezer.
Mark explained: "It felt strangely peaceful, because there was some kind of comfort I felt."
Nadia has also opened up in recent weeks about how she was asked by a boss to wear 'no bra' at a waitressing job before she was famous.
The Loose Women panellist told her fellow hosts how she had felt uncomfortable with the revealing uniform she was made to wear on a shift as a teenager.