Ah, Aladdin, who doesn’t remember the genie’s brilliant quips, the touching love story, the brothel, the gruesome deaths… wait, what?
Childhood’s veil of innocence can be a wonderful thing, particularly when you realise it rounded off the rough edges that would have left us a little traumatised if we’d had a proper understanding of what we were witnessing.
Check out this video from Looper, rounding up all the bits that our naive little minds protected us from:
Early on, Aladdin features talk of throat-slitting from the first stooge Jafar hires to get him the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, before said stooge dies horribly as he’s not worthy to enter.
Then there’s the character who seemingly comes to a particularly nasty end when he’s squashed on a bed of nails by a rotund palace guard.
And Aladdin isn’t the innocent street urchin he’s made out to be, judging by the familiar welcome the brothel women give him during the song ‘One Jump Ahead’.
Seems he’s paid more than the occasional visit to the veiled ladies of the night.
The video also mocks the film’s implausible moments, including Jasmine’s poor attempt at disguising herself (putting a robe over her princess outfit and actual CROWN) as she sneaks out of the palace.
Sidekick Abu comes in for criticism too – from his light-fingeredness to his refusal to give bread to starving street children, not to mention his attempted theft of the ruby that brings the Cave of Wonders crumbling down on himself, Aladdin and the magic carpet.
Ah, that magic carpet… the amazing mode of transport that lets Aladdin and Jasmine travel across the ancient wonders of the world on one date night.
Wouldn’t we all want that on our morning commute?
And lastly, Jafar was clearly the baddie even to our sensibilities as a child – but he’s really more than that; he’s a proper letch who turns Jasmine into his sex slave when he wishes to be sultan.
He even chains her up and forces her to feed him.
Cue us rewatching our entire Disney VHS collection to look for other inappropriate moments.
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