Ah, Home Alone, a kids’ classic bringing to mind Christmas cosiness, madcap capers and the importance of family – or, if you’ve got a medical degree, life-changing injuries and a conveyor belt of cruel deaths.
Yes, it seems the downside of becoming a qualified doctor is that Home Alone is ruined for you, as shown by a video from Distractify YT.
‘Doctors Diagnose the Injuries in Home Alone‘ features a group of doctors and nurses giving their professional opinions on why the two burglars in Home Alone –Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) – would not have survived to the end of the film.
Let’s start with the BB gun to the groin – brilliant, wasn’t it, classic hijinks. Well, *serious face*, in fact it would have caused “serious genital trauma”, maybe even a fertility-damaging “rupture”.
Next, Marv falls down a flight of stairs – and if this were real, he wouldn’t have actually been able to get up from it, and would probably have ended up with busted ribs and injured kidneys.
When Harry manages to get through the back door, only to have a blow torch burn his scalp, the doctors say that this would result in second or third degree burns, blistering, and layers of skin peeling off. Bone might even be exposed…
Later, when they finally enter Kevin’s home, Marv is greeted by a tin of paint swung at his head. This would have definitely screwed his face up, giving him fractures. The amount of blood might have also pushed on the brain so much that it could have led to his death. Oh, and his teeth would have been flying everywhere.
You can watch the rest, but we assume you get the message – this film is NOT funny, and if you think it is, there’s something wrong with you.
So if you’re now looking for a new favourite Christmas movie, may we direct you to Digital Spy‘s ranking of the best ever – and if you want to have your own say, head over to this reader poll.
Plus, if you enjoyed having Home Alone ruined for you, check out what would have happened in Home Alone 2 if it were real:
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